From the Start

A true story of transformation....

Hi, I'm Ms. Ashley, a young girl of Rizzy's age who grew up with simple yet complicated life. Both of my relatives on mother and father's side were expecting a lot of me, especially on my studies. It is a lot of expectation though but I managed to be always on the honor list. But none of it made me happy. Why? 'cause I'm only doin' it for my family. As I grew up, I had been exposed to different types of people, be in different places and culture. I tried living life as simple as possible but life isn't fair- not with me. I got friends, yes, but just plain friends of which made me often wonder what could possibly was wrong with me that I couldn't even keep just one. Am always in between of any fights in the group and got to be blamed for all of it. Have tried pleasing everyone but it isn't enough. They just come in and out of my life - no permanent at all.

Depression enveloped my being but I hide it to myself. Wearing happy and contented mask is the only weapon I got. People would actually describe me as a person who never encountered a serious problem - not on family and friends. I never leave a trace of loneliness but am tearing apart inside. I had been to a relationship though but never a serious one. I always end up being replaced--oh, that hurts but that's life--that's my role, I guess.

I spent a lot of my time being alone - it's my prerogative. The only time where I have the chance to call God. Calling with lack of faith. I am not a worthy child really but I never stopped asking favors from Him. I usually sing "...break all the chains that keep me from you" from the song "Renew me, O Lord" but of no significance in my life at all. Didn't even know why I kept on singing those phrases. Yes, though I have God or should I say, believe in God, my soul still lurks in darkness. So hard for me to follow His will. But not until I entered a Community of believers - a Church organization really. It all happened so sudden that I didn't even noticed I signed the application form given to me by a friend. I was afraid at first, afraid that they may ask me questions about God of which I have no idea at all but God works mysteriously. I opened my life willingly. It was the very first time in my life, I felt I am wanted, that I am not a waste at all. Yes, I encountered God during the seminar. He embraced me wholly, with no stain of sinfulness in my being. My broken spirit was healed.

In my present journey, I still stumble a lot - fall to temptation - deviate myself from His teaching BUT is struggling to live according to His will, for complete transformation. The song below says everything, especially the line "..I was confused then lost in a whirlwind that was spinnin' round...now there's a purpose, life's not a circus since I found you Lord". Hope my story stirs up your heart. Thanks Rizzy.

From the Start
by B.J. Thomas

You are my heaven
All is forgiven
I'm in love with You
You put me together
My love's forever
I will live for You

I was in pieces
Wrinkled with creases
Until You came
Now I live only
Simply to worship Your name

I've waited so long
But I see I was wrong
In not lovin' You
It took me some years
And some pain and some tears
But you pulled me through

I've waited so long
But I see You belong
Deep down in my heart
And I wonder why
I didn't love You from the start

I was confused then
Lost in a whirlwind
That was spinnin' round
You stopped my spinning
Gave me a beginning
On solid ground

Now there's a purpose
Life's not a circus
Since I've found You, Lord
I'm Yours forever
Take me and never
Let me leave Your word

I've waited so long
But I see I was wrong
In not lovin' You
It took me some years
And some pain and some tears
But you pulled me through

I've waited so long
But I see You belong
Deep down in my heart
And I wonder why
I didn't love You from the start.